Because it’s a lock. You know the sound: when you turn that key, or shut that locker, or close the padlock… that distinctive “click”. The sound describes the reality of our situation. When that clique is formed, the lock is thrown, the click is the sound of our boundaries ending and our new relationships halted.

When you think about cliques, do you think of them more in terms of that group that doesn’t accept you? Do you see that group of “cooler” kids that you wish you could hang out with? Or do you see that talented group of people that, even if they liked you as a person, there’s no way you could fit in because you don’t have the required talents, gifts, money, body, traits, toys, etc…

This is how I though of cliques. That group that wouldn’t accept me. Now here’s what I would do. I would get resentful, and I’d act like I didn’t care a bit. I’d even make fun of them to my friends, or act rude publicly to their “in-crowd” so that I could prove myself to be tough (i.e. cool) enough to be accepted by them.

Kind of warped thinking, now that I think about it!

See cause here’s the real deal, see I wanted to be a part of that group so bad. And no matter how much I acted like I didn’t care, I had this growing feeling of shame and this sense of impending loser-ness. I acted out like I didn’t care, and the more I did, the more I really wanted to be included… deep down… in the places where I hid all my junk.

I wonder if anybody else thought I was kind of, you know, covering up… No, I’m sure I was slick enough… I mean, those goobers wouldn’t know any way… oh, God, please don’t let them see the real me.

Let me bounce back. Did you hear that sound, that click? You see, when I think of cliques, I think about the others and their stuff they do. Have I thought lately about whether or not that click I heard was not the sound of me not being let in to another group, but maybe the sound of me locking myself in to my group.

Woah now Big John, easy there with the deep stuff!

Let me tell you where I am going with this: we are so dang concerned with how others act and how it affects us. I swear, I actually think it really is all about me! But here’s the problem with that. We judge others’ outsides by our insides. We look at what other people do and judge, judge, judge. But we don’t look to their heart, we don’t know their inner thoughts. But whenever we mess up, do something stupid or cruel, we justify our bad behavior by how we were feeling, our mood, what Mom said that morning, how that guy looked at me, whether I was gassy…etc.

When it comes to cliques, we often spend our time thinking about what group we don’t belong to, and less about someone else looking at us and our friends and wondering why we don’t let them in. That sounded complicated, let’s say it this way: While I’m looking at that “clique” over there with their fancy pants, I am completely oblivious to that person over yonder looking at me and my friends (not a clique, oh no, we’re just a group of friends!!!) and wondering why we are so elitist.

Ouch, that hurt. But I said it anyway. Beware as you look out over the shoulder of your friends and judging someone else – there may very well be some lonely soul looking at you the same way.

The clique doesn’t just lock others out, it locks you in.

G&P2U,
JB